So much of this resonated! I was never a great beauty, but I remember having so many similar experiences and thoughts. How much of the good treatment I received was due to how good I truly was, and how much was just a reaction to my youth and health? This occurred to me around age 15 and haunted me for years. Still does.

I'll never forget a time when I found a friend of mine crying - this gorgeous woman who, if we use the gross shorthand of rating a woman with a number, was probably a 10, bawling her eyes out. It took a lot of pushing to get her to tell me why. When she was finally able to put it into words, it was something like this, "I will never know if a guy actually likes me. Every man I meet decides he wants me before I even open my mouth."

It sounds trite even as I write it, now, but in that moment I felt the depth of it. And it's true. Every one of her husbands (she's had several) has cheated on her at some point with someone who appeared shinier in the moment. She attracted men who were attracted to shine - they weren't capable of loving her when she became dull with familiarity. The thing is, she is actually good. I could see that because I'm not attracted to women. So sad that the men she committed herself to couldn't see it.

Anyway, I'm 39, and I'm STILL treated better than I probably deserve (petite white womanhood for the win, I guess), but thankfully I don't get as much of that frenetic, upsetting sexual energy directed at me from men. I much prefer the type of men who are interested in me now. They come forward because they see past my fine lines to something more. It's lovely.

I still haven't found a guy like the one you describe, or maybe I have and he passed me by because I'm still not as good as I am pretty.

Your hubby have a brother? ;) jk