Reading this, I had to struggle to reach back and remember the time when I felt embarrassed by being single. I do remember it, but it’s so far removed from my current experience now that I can’t remember how it felt. I’m 39, and several years back I finally admitted it to myself: I reallly dislike the experience of being partnered.

When I’m partnered, there’s always something nagging at me. When making a decision, I have to consider him. How I act, how I dress, what I do now reflects on him as well as myself, so I have to be more careful. When I wake up in the morning, if he’s there, I don’t get my quiet time to think (a time of day that I adore) but I have to attend to him, then I have to think of how to fit him into my day. When going to sleep at night, if he’s there I have to think about how my breathing, moving, being comes off to him. I can’t flirt with another guy (even if I want to) or take an opportunity without considering him. I’m nomadic, so more often than not, he’s upset when I decide to be away for longer than originally planned, or he hates it when I’m away at all. I sacrificed financial security to have remote work and freedom, and now, to have a partner, I have to give that up? Yuck. I hate it all.

Am I selfish? Yes. And every time I’ve been partnered, the benefits he provides have never outweighed the weight of him. My girlfriends are better friends, more thoughtful, able to talk deeply on important subjects, less needy, and more understanding. I realize this sounds anti-male, but it’s not that. My guy friends are also fantastic. It’s having a boyfriend that sucks.

I say this knowing full well that another boyfriend will come along soon enough. When I was 30, I thought it was over, and no man would ever want me again. But a new one bumps along within months of each break up. Sometimes I go for it, sometimes I don’t.

Anyway I broke up with my last boyfriend in May and my darling little niece said, “You better hurry up and get married or you’ll be an old maid!” And without thinking I laughed out loud and said, “I already am an old maid and guess what? It’s awesome!”

My brother in law was nearby and he laughed too - he knows it’s true for me, and my niece will too. I’m glad I get to provide her with an example of how nice single can be.