Oh Michael, you’ve infantilized yourself by handing your decision-making over to an invisible madman in the sky, and chosen to trust fallible humans (almost always men) who say they’re his mouthpieces, and an ancient book (full of conflicting information), and possibly a more modern book of dubious origins (if you’re Mormon) instead of doing the hard, adult work of making decisions and learning from the consequences.

I’m very glad for you if that path has worked for you and your family, but I also assure you that that path doesn’t work for all of us. There are LGBTQ+ people (they really do exist!), who should not enter a marriage to a person they’re not attracted to just because the aforementioned invisible madman and his fallible human mouthpieces tell them to — we know that there lies madness and pain for both the people in the marriage and for any children they produce.

There are women (me!) who’ve been hurt by men and no longer trust them, and though logically I know that’s biased and that I can trust men about as much as I can trust any human, it still makes the thought of living with a man, and especially letting him be the “head of the household,” excruciating.

There are men (and women) who really have no business being in monogamous relationships. They can try and promise and repent and try again, but they will always crave novelty and variety — they’re just not built for monogamy and dragging a poor unsuspecting spouse into the land of cheating and betrayal is doing both a disservice. Look up close at 20 of the fine, upstanding couple friends you know and you’ll find at least one couple who’s dealing with this. Better for those people to be ethically non-monogamous than live a lie and drag a spouse (and possibly children) into it.

You can close your eyes and put your hands over your ears and shout “nanny nanny nanny, you don’t exist!” as much as you want, but we’re still out here, and pretending we don’t exist, or pretending your one-size-fits-all path would work if we’d just TRY HARDER changes nothing for us.

Again, I’m glad it’s worked for you. Good on ya. And I hope your dear wife isn’t just a grinning lipless shadow of the woman she might have been if she hadn’t enmeshed herself in a patriarchal religious system (and I hope you’d notice if she was).

But buddy, think twice before lecturing another adult on this platform. Your patriarchal authority has no bearing here. My habit of admitting to uncertainty and vulnerability makes me brave, not wrong, and my experiences as another adult in this world are every bit as valid as yours. It could be argued that my experiences are, if not more valid, at least richer and more varied, because I’ve actually taken leaps into unchartered territory, while you’ve stayed in the mellow waters of the harbor, following “instructions and safety features.”

My mom would love ya though ;) if she weren’t already planning to marry Moroni in the next life (and if she weren’t still sealed to my apostate dad) I’d hook you up. (That last bit only applies and will only make sense if you’re indeed Mormon, which I suspect you are).