I've spent my life dating the men who chased me while secretly longing for the shy guys who didn't. Turns out, the more aggressive guys weren't better - just more aggressive. Sometimes, the really good guys are shy and need a nudge.

While they were dating, my sister-in-law turned to my brother one day and said, "if you ask me to marry you, I'll say yes."

They've been married for 21 years.

My brother is the best guy I know, and a wonderful husband and father. If she hadn't said that to him, he wouldn't have asked. She was also the first one to hold his hand and kiss him. He's just not an aggressive dude.

Yes, our society has prescribed that men are the pursuers, and that women are to be pursued. It works for some men and women, but not for others.

At age 40, I wish I'd pursued more of those shy guys I had my eye on. I thought they didn't like me because they didn't pursue me...but looking back, I think some of them liked me very much. Think what a beautiful time we could have had if not for this sad cultural stereotype.