I've never behaved like this on shrooms. This is an M problem, not a shroom problem, and oh my god, I'm so sorry. Crying is not next to screaming on the "this is an abusive behavior" scale.

I used to feel like if I ever started crying, I'd just never stop. It felt like the well was just that deep - endlessly deep. Then I started letting myself cry when I felt like it, no shame, no blame, no trying to control it, and damn, it felt so much better. Of course I'm alone much of the time. There is nothing as good as a nice, dignified cry alone. Extra points if it's raining. And a cry on a surfboard in the middle of a rain storm - that is crying perfection, that is the pure chewing satisfaction of the crying world.